you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
