the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
