evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
