im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
where are you?
Hypothermia
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
