I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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