the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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