escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
