I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
