I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
