It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
