I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Can Purell be used as lube?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
