Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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