had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
