Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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