never play flip cup with pint glasses
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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