Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
