I drank myself into bisexuality again.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
