I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
