she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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