I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
