You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
