i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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