I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
