There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
