At least make sure they are 18
Why
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
