hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
