you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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