after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Randomize
