Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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