I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
