I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
