Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
