he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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