i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
