this beer tastes like vomit already
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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