So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
