"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
