Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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