You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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