i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
