i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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