I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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