she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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