she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
