I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
