All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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