VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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