you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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