phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
