do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
