It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
