wanna go halves on a baby?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Can I color on your dick again?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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