Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
