How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
