Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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