O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
