If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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