did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
