I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
there's paper in my vomit.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
