you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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